A Letter to My Past Self — And to Everyone Who Feels Stuck
At home, there’s a small message board where my son Zhang Hanwen once wrote:
“I wish I could go back to the past.”
Maybe that was how he felt when something upset him — wanting to escape the present moment, to go back to when he was three years old, when life was all play, no school, no expectations, and all the adults were just there to love him, comfort him, and let him be.
Honestly, if time travel were real, I wouldn’t blame anyone for wanting it. I’d probably want to go back too — maybe I’d even look younger and happier! But dreams are dreams. We all know — we can’t go back.
When Life Feels Heavy… Then What?
So what do we do when we feel hurt, wronged, or frustrated?
Just sit and sulk?
Let me tell you something:
Anger is expensive.
Every shift in your emotions triggers instant changes in your body.
Your nervous system kicks into “alert mode,” pulling in resources to defend you — like preparing for war. But that “war” is happening only in your mind.
The brain doesn’t distinguish between real danger and imagined stress. And once the system activates, it impacts everything — your digestion, your immune system, your hormones, your circulation. Over time, these stress patterns don’t just ruin your mood — they quietly damage your health.
I Know This — Because I Lived It
Seven years ago, I was that person. Angry. Easily upset. Constantly blaming and complaining.
And then, my body gave out.
I was constantly fatigued. Nothing I ate gave me energy. My digestion collapsed. I couldn’t even hold a normal job.
I was barely 30. I couldn’t accept this as my fate.
So I started to ask: Why did I fall ill?
Here’s what I realized:
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I was angry too often.
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I was a picky eater.
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I never exercised.
I turned to self-study. I dove into the world of Traditional Chinese wellness — learning about meridian theory, moxibustion, cupping therapy. I began working on my own healing journey. Yes, moxibustion left marks. Yes, it produced smoke. But I didn’t care. I wanted to feel well again.
What Heals Most? A Grateful Heart.
You know what the most powerful healing force is?
Not medicine.
Gratitude.
“There are two wolves inside each of us,” an old man told his grandson.
“One is anger, envy, pride, fear. The other is kindness, hope, love, peace.”
“Which one wins?”
“The one you feed.”
For a long time, I was feeding the wrong wolf.
Now I choose to feed the better one.
I thank my parents for raising me, loving me, supporting me no matter what.
I thank my teachers for their strictness and patience.
I thank my friends — even those I’ve argued with — for the warmth that always returns.
I even thank those who criticized me — because they made me reflect and grow.
I thank the sun, the flowers, the cold wind, the sky, the earth…
So many reasons to be thankful — and to live seriously and sincerely.
My Journey into Moxa
After about 3–4 years of self-care and moxibustion, I gradually regained my health. I wanted to work again. But what could I do?
I had spent years obsessed with moxibustion — learning, practicing, experimenting. I needed a lot of moxa sticks and used to buy boxes at a time, but was never satisfied with the quality.
Then one day, Zhang Hanwen’s father said:
“Why don’t you make your own?”
That idea changed everything.
In 2009, I gathered my family. Those who could offer time did. Those who could offer money helped. That’s how my little moxa factory began.
Building Something from the Ground Up
At first, people didn’t understand. Some laughed at me. Some discouraged me.
But I believed in what I was doing. I knew moxibustion could help people.
I sat at my computer every day, answering questions, teaching customers how to use moxa, writing blogs to share my experiences. That’s when I must apologize to my son Zhang Hanwen — I was so busy that I barely helped him with his studies. But he was amazing — he managed it all by himself.
Thanks to my customers’ support, I now have a small factory, three domestic stores, and two international online shops.
In the beginning, it was just me promoting my products. Now, my customers help me spread the word — for free. They’re grateful because moxibustion brought comfort and change into their lives.
Every day, I receive thank-you messages. Every day, I’m moved.
Why I Keep Giving
I continue to donate moxa sticks to traditional practitioners, to temples, to wellness foundations. Not because I’m wealthy. But because I’m grateful. So many people have trusted me, supported me. I want to give back — and let that love reach more people.
Financially, I haven’t made a fortune. Most earnings went into R&D and sourcing quality materials. But I’m not worried about the future. Because I know — my work is meaningful.
Your Struggles Will Become Your Strength
I now thank my past self — even the angry one. Because getting sick pushed me to learn, grow, and create something new.
So no matter where you are in life — happy or unhappy, smooth or stuck — please remember:
Love yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Communicate honestly.
Stay curious.
Keep learning.
You will shine.
You will find your purpose.
I still get upset sometimes. But now, I remind myself:
Gratitude is the beginning of everything good.
With a grateful heart and a willingness to act, life will get better.
Let’s walk this journey together.